Your Adopted Children are Your Children

 Question: What do I say when someone says my adopted children are really my grandchildren, not my children?

     Dear Friend:  I've received a similar question before. Several years ago, I led a small group of adoptive parents at Assembly, an international, Christian women's meeting. Some were former grandparents, some were not.

As those who know me and my husband, you know we adopted two of our grandchildren many years ago. Does that still make us their grandparents? No. The birthparents' rights were terminated before the adoption. Then the adoption paperwork was completed. If we are not their parents, they have no parents.

There are some people who, for reasons of their own, need to diminish your parenthood. Without labeling them, we will let them wrestle with the reasons for their behavior. They obviously have limited knowledge and understanding of adoption. Their ignorance does not make them correct. It reveals that they are uninformed or choose to attempt to lift themselves up by putting others down. Of course, that only makes them look bad.

You owe no one an explanation. If you signed the adoption papers, you are their parent. Refer to yourself as Mommy or Daddy, Mom or Dad when talking to the child. Don't argue with those who don't understand the adoption laws. 

In today's society, many young people are waiting to marry. They may also postpone starting a family. Your age is not much different than theirs. 

God has blessed you with the opportunity to rear a family late in life. Or, like my husband and me, we reared a second family. Isn't it wonderful how the norms of today include all kinds of families? Hug your children. You know who they are and your parenthood of them. You owe no one else an explanation. God bless you and your family.

Doris Gaines Rapp